What stops us from living a life that is filled with the health and happiness. Is it a discipline that we must adopt or just a matter of choosing to respect our bodies by filling it with movement, good food, kindness, respect, love and joy.
 A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. Eleanor Roosevelt  Today look at another person and try and understand them instead of judging them. Judging is a form of expressing your own fears and feelings of self worth. You cannot fix yourself by hurting someone else. Look at your own life and find a way to move beyond your limiting beliefs and self talk. Find the courage to love yourself. Adversity is part of our lives and everything depends on how you are going to deal with it. You have a choice. Use it wisely so that it builds you up instead of taking your worth. Listen to this amazing young woman.... Sign up to my mailing list and I will send you a free copy of The Crystal Ball Effect... a unique way of thinking about what you want in the future. It is the introduction to a story that may change the way you chase a dream.  In the hospital Tonight I am sitting at my desk remembering last year at this time... the 21st of July, 2013. I remember sitting here alone with Rosie my little dog by my side praying that a surgeon in a busy Montreal hospital, more than ten hours away, would be able to save my daughter from the same thing that had taken my father's life. Every fear a mother can have about her child was heavy on my mind that night. There were no more tears left to cry as I sat alone through the night, knitting to keep myself from going crazy. They had taken her in for the operation at 7:30 p.m. on a Sunday night because she was in critical state. I thought back to the Sunday night she had been born 25 years earlier. I was alone with an amazing doctor and a team of nurses as I brought her into the world. She was a miracle baby for my family doctor had told me to abort her when he found out I was pregnant. He said she would never be born normal and when I decided to take a chance on life and keep her, he refused to keep me as a patient. I had found a young woman doctor who encouraged me throughout the rest of my pregnancy. When Erin was born on that warm summer night, I was told that she was a perfectly healthy and normal baby girl and I was given the greatest gift of my life. On the night of her operation, I was praying for another miracle. Why was I not with her you may be asking... it was because she asked me to let her go though this with her boyfriend, an amazing young man that I knew would be there for her in every way. Was it easy... no, but sometimes we as parents must step aside and let our children make their own decisions. She could not deal with having to worry about any one else and I had to respect her wishes for I knew my daughter well. She survived but no one could have ever imagined the challenges that we would face after she was brought out of that operation. Her life was spared but the life of someone we both loved was taken instead. Tonight a year later, all I will say is that I am grateful to hear my daughter's voice. She is a survivor and the most courageous woman I have ever met. This is what she wrote on her Facebook page tonight a year later. Her own way of expressing gratitude. Last year, on this very day, at this very time, I was undergoing an 8 hour operation that would change my life forever. Despite the tumour resection, the partial temporal lobe resection, the partial hippocampectomy, the months upon months of rehabilitation and therapy, the prescriptions, the 15 brain scans and the mind-blowing seizures, I'm still standing with a smile on my face. I've learned a lot about life over the past 365 days... I've actually learned a lot about people. Today, I want to thank everyone who let me be alone when I couldn't stand to be seen, the people who respected my wishes during sickness, the people who did not make me feel guilty for choosing to go through my struggle independently and the people who realized that my absence from their lives was not me pushing them away but, instead, was part of my recovery- I appreciate all of you more than you'll ever know.   What's the greater risk? Letting go of what people think - or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am? Brene Brown No one wants to be vulnerable. No one wants to feel the fragile feelings of shame for something that they may or may not have had control of in their lives. We hold on to our shame, hide it and embed it into our way of living. It becomes an invisible prison that holds us back from the natural process of living a full and joyful life. The only thing that can change the pain is to understand it and the reasons why it showed up. The process to lessen its impact on your life is to accept it, which is easier said than done. It requires opening up to the hurt that you have worked so hard to push deep inside of you. It takes discipline, tears, patience, kindness, tenderness and being able to really love yourself and accept that you are not perfect. No one is Perfect! Unless you deal with it, you will live forever with all your excuses and self sabotaging experiences. Unfortunately for most of us we believe that it is better to hide our pain then face the shame and let it out. The more vulnerable you allow yourself to be, the more that you open up the door to a happier version of yourself. Every step towards freedom comes from an act of courage. Mary Robertson  Visualize this thing that you want, see it, feel it, believe in it. Make it your mental blue print, and begin to build. Robert Collier What is it that you really want in life? Are you sure? Listen to this recording and find out more.......
 The story of this young woman is a reminder that we have an incredible power within ourselves to heal and move forward, no matter what needs to be fixed in our lives. Read more about it here http://t.co/KdbSlkgvUm  It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” E. E. Cummings Tumour Humour from Katie Wilks on Vimeo. When I watch this video, I find it hard to believe that this is my daughter.
Erin has taught me so much about courage and strength. Yet I know that she was the little miracle baby that I was given twenty six years ago today. They had told me to abort her for she would not be born normal. When I hear her laughing in this film, I think back to those words... no she was not normal... she was amazing! I had been very sick during my pregnancy due to ulcerative colitis, something that I knew nothing about until a few months before I found out that I was pregnant. I remember spending eleven days in the hospital being treated for a severe case of the debilitating immune disorder. They sent me home with multiple drugs and I remember looking at some of them that said do not take if you think you may be pregnant. By the time I found out I was pregnant, I was already three months into it. I remember sitting in the doctors office and hearing him say, " the results are positive... I will make the arrangements for your abortion." I was faced with a very difficult decision because I had taken some extremely heavy drugs trying to get the disease under control. Yet there was a small life inside of me wanting to be born. I took a chance on life and decided to go ahead and bring her into the world. My doctor refused to continue to look after me because he feared the worst. I remember being 6 months pregnant and had no family doctor. I was afraid for I knew that I was facing some scary times ahead. I did find another doctor and she was the most caring wonderful woman whose calm nature reassured me. On July 10th 1988, I heard Erin cry for the first time and my doctor said she was normal. I have never been the same and I made a promise that I would do everything in my power to bring her up to be a strong, independent and kind young woman who would be able to look after herself in case something happened to me. In the past year she has been lived through an experience that I consider to be another miracle. Last year at this time she was scheduled to go in for a brain tumour operation. In fact she was scheduled to be operated on her birthday but it was put back due to another young woman needing an emergency surgery for a brain tumour as well. The operation was a success but Erin was left with many life changing adjustments to deal with on a daily basis. She has went through some incredibly difficult days in the past year but an amazing young man stood beside her and helped her through her dark days. A little dog called Baxter helped her heal with a thing called "puppy love". Erin faced each day with courage and the determination to get through it all without being labeled a victim. She fought to get her life back to a somewhat normal existence despite the limitations that will now be a part of her life. She was able to run the 5 kilometer Montreal Sprint which raises money and awareness for the Brain Tumour Association of Canada. If I had listened to my doctor that day when he told me I had to abort my baby, Erin would have never had a chance to grow into this woman who has taught me so much about life. I always said she was my gift in this life. Happy 26th Birthday Erin!!!  This is the last picture I took of my little Rosie, just the day before I took her to the vet. I had just given her a cool bath, hoping to make her feel better as the heat seemed to be really bothering her. Her breathing had become heavier and she was wheezing. Yesterday I noticed that it had gotten worst and so I called the vet hoping to get an appointment in a few days. The secretary said to bring her in right away. I was surprised to think that they had time to see her so fast and so I made sure that she drank some water and took a wet facecloth to put on her in the car to keep her cool. As I drove down I was thinking what the vet would say about her. She would probably give her some pills to help her breathe better because she was an old girl of fourteen years. Once she was on the examination table, the vet checked her heart which I suspected was not as good as it should be but at her age it was normal. But as I waited for her diagnosis, I felt that painful moment of truth when reality sets in and the tears began to flow. This small procedure was taking too long. Rosie was in real trouble. She said something about taking an X-ray and trying some medication because she had water on her lungs and her heart was not functioning well. She asked me if I had noticed that she was turning blue inside of her mouth. Rosie was dying from the lack of oxygen. Her little body was tired. Part of me wanted to pick her up and bring her home but I had made a promise when I took her in that I would never let her suffer because she had lead a very complicated life. Rosie had lost a lot of people in her life and had lived in several homes. When she came to live with me, she found freedom. No more being tied to a lease outside. I would make sure that she would never have to move again. This was her forever home. I used to watch her run with such joy and happiness. Just last week I found her out sitting in the grass and when she seen me, her little face broke out into her look of happy and she ran towards me. I bent down, picked her up and told her how much I loved her. She really was my best friend and the only one who understood all that I had been though in the last few years. She was my loyal confident, the one that understood my tears and she gave me a reason to smile everyday no matter what was going on. She was also my last connection to the life I had lived with a man called Pierre. I hope he was there to meet her on the other side. He loved her so much and I often used to wonder what she thought happened to him when he disappeared from our lives. And so I made the very painful decision to have her put down. I held her and made sure I was the last thing she saw as she left this world and I told her I loved her. It was not even two weeks since we had lost our old friend Whiskey and I had did my share of crying for her as well. I thought maybe Whiskey was so happy where she was, that she came and got Rosie. Together they can run and play without any more pain. Just two young pups exploring the heavens. At a time like this, we need an imagination to help deal with the loss. She is buried near the big lilac tree and it is still in full bloom. How fitting for a girl named Rosie... the best little dog there ever was... Ditz and I certainly miss you funny girl!!!
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She decided to create the life she imagined..... Archives
October 2021
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