A Woman's Story

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Don't Let Fear Decide Your Future

30/6/2014

“The thing you fear most has no power. Your fear of it is what has the power. Facing the truth really will set you free
Oprah Winfrey

So what is it that you fear the most? What wakes you up in the middle of the night causing you to worry and feel the overwhelming feeling of anxiety? Is it your health, your child's health? Are you worried about your finances or if someone is going to leave you?

Feeling like we are going to lose something or someone or that something is going to change and cause us to have pain is the basis of most fears.

Yet most fears never happen. It is a setup, an untrue story that we tell ourselves. It is a conversation that you have with yourself based on what may go wrong. We imagine the worst case scenarios of what will happen and this feeling leads us to take sometimes unnecessary actions that lead to adding more fear into our already weaken state of worry. Fear holds us back and keeps us in a place of feeling hopeless and trapped. It takes over our imagination and fills it with negative thoughts. It zaps our energy and sometimes our physical and mental health. Why do you think that so many people end up in a doctor's office looking for quick fix to deal with the unhealthy effects of fear?

But is there a way to deal with fear?

Yes there are many ways and here is a link to Martha Beck, who has a quick fix that may resonate with you. It is only the beginning to what is possible if you start to look at your fears differently. Unfortunately we have not been taught how to deal with our fears and without an understanding of its root cause, many suffer throughout their lives without ever really facing the truth of their personal fears.

I watched fear destroy the life of someone I loved and I know how it can lead people to make choices based on a false sense of insecurity unless it is understood.

For more support in understanding your fears click Support

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The Legacy of Beauty

29/6/2014

The is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty. — Steve Maraboli

What do you think when you see a beautiful young woman walk by you in, let's say a shopping center after you have had a hard day at work and feel that the world is out to get you?

She almost runs into you as she pushes her way past the busy shoppers. She should watch where she is going. Probably to meet her young executive boyfriend who is waiting to take her out for a romantic dinner at some fancy restaurant.  Her hair is long and healthy looking and she walks with self confidence. Her clothes fit her well and you notice her perfect tote bag slung across her shoulders. Your admiration turns to a touch of jealousy and you think, yes well she isn't living your life. You would look better if you did not have to get up every morning at 5:30 to go to work. If you had the money you would buy nice clothes as well and go to have your hair done.

She disappears into the crowd. You walk by a cosmetic counter and the sales lady seems to be able to read your mind. She offers you a free makeover with no strings attached. You hesitate because you cannot afford such a luxury and you are also in your usual hurry to get home to make the kids supper and get the laundry done before you can even think of sitting down for an hour before bed, which is probably not going to happen.

Feeling frustrated you sit down in front of the counter and force yourself to forget about your obligations and what everyone else wants. The sales lady asks you to close your eyes and says that someone will be with you in a minute. You mind drifts off feeling the excitement and sensation of being pampered.

" Hi my name is Jenny and I have a few questions to ask you before we begin."

You open your eyes and are shocked to see that the lady standing in front of you is the beautiful woman that you had just seen walking through the store. You feel shame and want to get up and leave. She is wearing a white uniform and her hair is tied back into a ponytail. She is still very beautiful but she isn't who you thought she was... she is just an employee here at the store.

You answer all her questions because she says that she wants to know what your expectations are for a makeover. By the time she is finished, you can see that she has given you much more than a new look. Yes she put on just the right amount of eye liner, blush and lipstick and you are pleased with the woman looking back at you in the mirror.   You buy the introductory kit and look her in the eyes and thank her for giving you a makeover of the heart.

While working on your face you learned that this young woman had two jobs. Every morning, she takes her daughter to a special school for autism then goes to work at a MacDonald's from 7 a.m. until 2:30 p.m. When she's finished her shift there, she starts work at this cosmetic counter from 3 until 7:00 p.m. Her mother moved to the city to live with her and help care of the infant. She found a job as well and picks up her granddaughter after her work day is done and takes her home . Together they are raising a small child with special needs. The father of the child left Jenny when the baby was only 6 months old and it was then that her mother moved in to help her care for little Ellie.

No she did not have anyone waiting to take her out to a fancy meal. Her life was all about being able to afford to send her daughter to a facility that had a reputation for helping special need children overcome their limitations.

Walking into your house you realize that you wrongly judged someone because of their looks so that you could feel better about your own lack of self confidence.   You remember your mother's wise words, " Don't judge a book by its cover because you never really know what is going on in another person's seemingly perfect life."

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So What

25/6/2014

It is so true, sometimes we allow the same old problems to keep us in a place of being unfulfilled, sad, stuck and feeling overwhelmed. No matter how much we say that we are going to change, our old challenges reminds us that we have to live with the unwanted story that showed up in our lives. Despite our desire to let it go, we hold on to it because it has become what seems like a part of our identity.

The truth is, it is not who we are, it never was, it was just something that happened and I have learned to say a few choice words that have helped me disconnect from a series of unfortunate events in my life. To be polite and for the purpose of this online dialogue, I will not repeat these words. Instead I will say.... "So what... it happened, I survived, I accept and I forgive. I learned a lot and I am moving on."

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Welcome to a Woman's Story

The Story of Millie Vanier

22/6/2014

Everyone is the age of their heart.

Guatemalan Proverb

A woman by the name of Millie Vanier now lives in a residence for senior citizens. Unless you knew her, you would think she is just an old woman sitting there looking out the window. Yet inside she is a woman with an incredible story to tell and through this blog, I will tell you some of that story. Imagine what her secret and dreams were and what wisdom she might share with us...
Click here to listen

Sign up for my newsletter and I will send you the introduction for my new book as a way to say thank you for joining me on this journey to help women change the story of their lives. The Crystal Ball Effect is an actual technique to make real changes in your life. The published eBook will be out July and everyone on my newsletter list will receive a free copy.

The introduction is based on a story of one woman's attempt to change some things in her life by going to meet up with a crystal ball fortune teller. What she learns is what we all seek to understand about our lives. I promise I will not share you email address with anyone and I will only send you future emails with something of value. There are no catches!

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The Best Day of Your Life

21/6/2014

"Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality... Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you're living?" Bob Marley

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Making Difficult Choices

20/6/2014

I think most of us are raised with preconceived notions of the choices we're supposed to make. We waste so much time making decisions based on someone else's idea of our happiness - what will make you a good citizen or a good wife or daughter or actress. Nobody says, 'Just be happy - go be a cobbler or go live with goats.'

Sandra Bullock

We are all faced with making choices on a daily basis. Some are easy, others will be life changing. Some will bring us happiness and others may leave us with regret. Sometimes we find ourselves in a place of being stuck because we just cannot make a decision as to what we should do. Often we make a choice because of financial gain and security instead of what we know would really make us happy. Fear plays a large role in determining what our choices will be for it is a stern master and keeps us in a place of struggle. If we leave it up to fear, we will never make the right choice. If we dare to bravely look deep inside of ourselves, the answer might be easier than you think.

It Takes Courage

18/6/2014

"Strength and Courage"

It takes strength to be certain,
It takes courage to have doubts.

It takes strength to fit in,
It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to share a friend's pain,
It takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to hide your own pain,
It takes courage to show it and deal with it.

It takes strength to stand guard,
It takes courage to let down your guard.

It takes strength to conquer,
It takes courage to surrender.

It takes strength to endure abuse,
It takes courage to stop it.

It takes strength to stand alone,
It takes courage to lean on a friend.

It takes strength to love,
It takes courage to beloved.

It takes strength to survive,
It takes courage to live.

Author: Sylvia Kelly

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Never Too Old

17/6/2014

There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.--Sophia Loren

I found this article and thought it was another example of women finding their way to living well despite their age. She is an amazing woman who has not let age take away her essence.

The world's oldest supermodel
At 83, Daphne Selfe appears in Vogue and struts along the Paris catwalks. Her secret? Long hair, no Botox and a dollop of Boots face cream By Liz Jones

Published: 22:12 GMT, 15 April 2012 | Updated: 22:10 GMT, 17 April 2012

Looking around the headquarters of the Models 1 agency in Covent Garden, there are giant posters showing the most famous girls (and I mean girls, not women) on their books — Amber Le Bon, Bar Refaeli, Noemie Lenoir.

But there is one poster that shows a woman who is very different from the rest. A mane of silver hair, an etiolated neck, high cheekbones, bright, intelligent, lively eyes, and all 83 of her years etched upon her face.

This is Daphne Selfe. She is certainly one of the most beautiful women on the wall, and also one of the bravest — because she has just agreed to pose as Madonna in her prime. And if that were not enough, she is wearing only the iconic conical bra and corset made by Jean Paul Gaultier for the singer’s Blonde Ambition tour in 1990.

+6Vintage glamour: Daphne Selfe is still in demand as a model and shows how older women can still be sexy and powerful

It’s a replica, but it’s still ‘terribly unforgiving. I thought they might have done a bit of airbrushing!’ says Daphne, joking. ‘I’m not that brave. I used to pose nude, you know, for artists including Barbara Hepworth.’

For a woman who has spent a lifetime in front of the camera, Daphne is surprisingly without vanity. She pulls up her bobbly sweater to show me her arms. ‘It’s these, you see,’ she says, rubbing at the brown speckles.

So dreadful, which is why I normally wear long sleeves. My body is OK when I lie down, it settles rather. But, hey, what the hell, it was all for a good cause.’

The cause is Oxfam’s Big Bra Hunt. Apparently, the average woman in the UK owns nine bras, three of which she never wears. And while we readily donate clothes to charity, most of us don’t realise that women in developing countries need our bras, too.

Oxfam hopes the photograph of Daphne, taken by star fashion photographer Perou (everyone on the shoot worked for no fee) will change all that. Oxfam is sending its first batches of bras to Senegal, West Africa, where, traditionally, women ‘just flop around’, according to Sarah Farquhar, head of Oxfam Trading. ‘A good bra makes them feel more elegant.’

But while we are all now aware that we should not send our clothes to landfill, it seems the fashion industry is still intent on treating its models as eminently disposable. Which is why Daphne is such a great figurehead (and body) for this campaign about longevity, and making women who are not, for whatever reason, inclined to shop in La Perla feel included.

And how wonderful, for a change, to see a woman in her 80s who is not depicted in a care home, or suffering from dementia, sitting mute in her Marks & Spencer cardi, but as vital, beautiful and, dare I say it, sexy and powerful.

‘I’ve never had anything done to my face,’ Daphne says, pulling it this way and that. ‘Not that poison, not a facelift. I think it’s a waste of money. Anyway, I couldn’t afford it!’

So how on earth does she do it, remain so fit, so lively in her slacks and flats, so amazing!

‘I think it’s partly down to good genes. My mother was a livewire, she lived until she was 95. I’ve never really bothered with skin cream or anything like that, although I might use a bit of Boots. I hate anything you can’t take the top off and dig around for what’s left in the bottom.

‘I did dye my hair at home for a while when I started to go grey in my early 40s. Occasionally, I would go into L’Oreal as a guinea pig, but it became too much of a bother.

'Women are too sloppy these days, they simply don't look in the mirror. Leggings and skinny jeans — just dreadful!'

‘My hair is long now because it’s cheaper, I don’t have to do anything, but put it in a topknot or a French pleat. It avoids that old lady permed look, lengthens the neck and lifts the face. I’ve got so many friends who don’t touch the make-up pot. You should keep looking nice, it makes you feel so much better.’

Then I remind Daphne of another photograph taken of her in barely anything but a bra: she is in a floral bikini in the early Fifties. She looks beautiful, but so very different to today’s models: she has a tiny waist (‘It was 24in, today it’s 27in! At least I haven’t got fat’), but rather chunky thighs, and wide shoulders.

‘I would never have made it starting out today,’ she admits. ‘I was too short, just 5ft 7in, with wide shoulders from all the riding I did as a young girl. But no one ever asked me to lose weight. Rationing was in place until 1954, so you were always grateful to get good food.’

Was she waxed in preparation for that bikini photograph? ‘No! Of course not. There was nothing like that. I do feel sorry for young girls today, all the things they do to themselves.’

Daphne grew up in Berkshire, the daughter of a teacher, and was packed off to boarding school at eight. At the age of 20, working as a ‘shop girl in coats’ in a Reading department store, she entered a local newspaper’s modelling competition and won.

Was she considered beautiful growing up? ‘I’d been told I was nice looking a couple of times, but no, not really. I then started working steadily, it was wonderful.

‘In those days, all models had training, we were shown how to walk and stand elegantly.

‘I started off modelling fur, which in those days wasn’t controversial. I did mainly work as a house model, and a few advertisements. We were often photographed holding a cigarette, and I didn’t even smoke!

OLD FASHION

Daphne has modelled for Dolce & Gabbana, Tata-Naka and Michiko Koshino, and has been in ads for Nivea and Olay, plus a Will Young video

‘But when I got married in 1954, I assumed I would never work again. My family came first. We weren’t well off, but that didn’t really matter. It’s dreadful women today have to work and can’t look after their families.’

What does she think of fashion these days? ‘They don’t look in the mirror, do they? I do think women are too sloppy these days. No matter where I was going, I had a hat, and matching bags and shoes. Like all girls in those days I made the most of my own clothes. Not like models today, who seem to wear skinny jeans between shows. I always wore a roll-on corset. Never leggings! Just dreadful!’

Daphne has three children — Mark, 57, Claire, 53, and Rose, 51 — and although she soon got her figure back, she assumed motherhood meant the end of her modelling career.

‘I fell out of fashion in the Sixties,’ she says. ‘I was what you called rather strapping, at 10½ stone! So I continued with a bit of acting work, and was an extra in films.’

Did she fear getting older, having worked as a model? ‘It’s going to happen, so why worry? My generation got on with it. I do find people are always complaining these days. I try to remain cheerful, not grumpy. I’ve developed glaucoma, but the drops I have to put in my eyes have made my lashes grow! So there is always a plus side. Daphne has never had Botox or a facelift

‘I think it’s important to remain passionate about things. I’m going to a meeting later about saving our local church, and I’m off to France next week to see the village that is twinned with the one where I live in Hertfordshire. I garden, I walk a lot and I do yoga — my version of yoga, I don’t have time for classes.

‘I can email! I’ve always worked, too, bits and pieces, right up until when my husband became very ill.’

Daphne’s husband, Jim, who worked in television, suffered a series of strokes. ‘He was cantankerous. He got frustrated. He was all right with others, but at home he was not good!’ says Daphne.

She cared for him full-time until he died in 1997, aged 72. But Daphne doesn’t dwell on the negatives. ‘I couldn’t have done [modelling], could I? Looking after him, it would never have happened. I’ve been lucky.’

In 1998, Daphne was asked to appear on the catwalk for Red or Dead. ‘I said: “Ooh, goodie.” I love wearing clothes and mucking about.’ The stylist suggested Daphne go to Vogue, who were creating a special issue about age. ‘I think they needed someone to represent “ancient”,’ she says modestly.

That photograph, taken by Nick Knight, led to her being signed up by Models 1. In 1999, while I was editor of Marie Claire, we photographed Daphne in yoga poses, modelling sportswear. But using an older woman was the exception, not the norm.

Does she feel, over a decade later, that she is still the token older woman rather than an ideal of beauty?

‘Oh no, I don’t think so. I’m doing more high fashion now than I did as a young woman, I think because at last I’ve lost the puppy fat! You can see the bones in my face. I’ve worked with Mario Testino, he was so kind, and Rankin — I knew his parents, both dead now — and Dolce & Gabbana.

Models at London Fashion Week must be over 16, but it's not uncommon for agencies to turn a blind eye to girls lying about their age

‘I’m always working in Paris, quite often with designer Fanny Karst, who does wonderful clothes for the elderly. I find you have to be fit to brave Primark, but I do shop there.

‘I tend to wear all the clothes I have in my wardrobe from decades ago: every style seems to come round again. The only thing I can no longer wear is high heels, my feet have vasculitis, a weakness and numbness. But from my ankles up I’m OK.’

How do the younger models treat her? ‘They are so lovely to me. They tell me they want to look like me when they get older. But they are babies.’

Was the fashion world nicer in her day? ‘I imagine there were drugs, and alcohol. But I was so innocent, I never noticed that.’

I tell her I wish a magazine would be brave enough to put her on the cover. She says: ‘I met Nicholas Coleridge not long ago. (Coleridge is the publisher of Vogue, Vanity Fair, Tatler and Easy Living.) I asked him, “Will I ever get on the cover of Vogue?” And he said: “Darling, you just won’t sell.” ’

What is she frightened of? ‘Falling ill. I want to just keel over one day and, if not, I want someone to knock me over the head. I don’t ever want to be a nuisance.’

Later, at Twiggy’s launch party for her M&S collection, I spy Daphne standing in a corner like a Native American warrior queen — her wrinkles not something to be ashamed of, or hoiked up by a plastic surgeon, but telling the story of a life well lived. What does she think of the clothes designed by another model who doesn’t seem to have a sell-by date?

‘Hmm,’ says Daphne, a twinkle in her eye. ‘It’s all a bit bling, isn’t it?’

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2130239/Daphne-Selfe-83-worlds-oldest-supermodels-secret-botox.html#ixzz34uRWtdqG
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The Crystal Ball Effect - Finding the answers.

Sign up for my newsletter and I will send you the introduction for my new book as a way to say thank you for joining me on this journey to help women change the story of their lives.

The Crystal Ball Effect is an actual technique to make real changes in your life. The published eBook will be out July and everyone on my newsletter list will receive a free copy.

The introduction is based on a story of one woman's attempt to change some things in her life by going to meet up with a crystal ball fortune teller. What she learns is what we all seek to understand about our lives. I promise I will not share you email address with anyone and I will only send you future emails with something of value. There are no catches!

Have a great day!

I remember him sitting there

14/6/2014

The rain is really coming down this morning. I am sitting in my office looking out the window. My back yard is looking good with the flowers planted and the freshly grass cut of yesterday.  I am always grateful for this secluded place in my life. It has provided me with an escape from the many storms in my life.

Looking at my big wooden swing, I remember him sitting there.  He enjoyed the peace and calm of this serene place as much as me. Sometimes I imagine him coming around the corner saying "Hi girl, how you doing today?" He had the most amazing smile. But he won't be back... not ever.

His journey through life ended in a bizarre twist of fate. Mom always said the ones who are gone are the lucky ones and I believe she was right. Those who are left behind, must deal with the emptiness and unanswered questions. Life goes on but it is never the same.

When the sun comes out, I will go and sit on the swing with a soothing cup of David's Tea. I will remember him with a tear and a smile for having shared a part of my life.

Forever Sara

A story about an old empty house, a promise and a bouquet of freshly picked lilacs found in the attic. Life is not always as it seems and sometimes we can't really understand what happened to the life we expected to live.Things happen and we get lost until we find the unexpected answers.

The Crystal Ball Effect

Sign up for my newsletter and I will send you the Introduction for my new book as a way to say thank you for joining me on this journey to help women change the story of their lives.
The Crystal Ball Effect is an actual technique to make real changes in your life. The published eBook will be out July and everyone on my newsletter list will receive a free copy.

The introduction is based on a story of one woman's attempt to change some things in her life by going to meet up with a crystal ball fortune teller. What she learns is what we all seek to understand about our lives. I promise I will not share you email address with anyone and I will only send you future emails with something of value. There are no catches!

Have a great day!

A Whale's Freedom Dance

13/6/2014

If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one another and all that stuff, there's got to be a very powerful energy to fight that. I think we need more love in the world. We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that.

Ellen DeGeneres

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

Dalai Lama

Please watch this short video clip that will prove the need for human kindness. These amazing people risked their lives to help free a young whale caught in the senseless irresponsible use of netting. When it was finally free, it gave thanks in a spectacular performance of gratitude.

Mary Robertson
She decided to live the life she imagined ...

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